This poor little blog has been over here languishing of late. Here’s why:
In 2007, when I started this blog, I was deep in the throes of the physically and mentally exhausting season of parenting. Girl Child was five and in Kindergarten, and Boy Child was one year old; still my non-verbal, love-mom’s-milk baby. I was 37.
What began as a way to communicate to friends and relatives what was happening with Girl Child and her surgeries for ear reconstruction became a place for me to rediscover my love for writing, words, thinking, and processing who I was, who I had become, and who I was TO become.
I wrote about my past my present and where I wanted to go. I had the opportunity to share what I was learning, what I was struggling with and what I was passionate about. I found myself more and more able to fill the shadow I cast into the world. The outside and the inside became closer than they had ever been. It has been through owning a blog and putting my true self in it that I became more my true self than I have ever been.
When your children are small, you are their everything. You are all they have, and they instinctively know this. It is the way it is supposed to be. Their eyes look to you for love, guidance, assurance, existence. You as a person are defined by this never-ceasing NEED that pulls you in their direction. You willingly pour yourself out onto them because you want to, even when it’s difficult, and when you feel like there is nothing left to give. In 2007, this was very much my life. My role as mommy was center stage. Mommy defined me.
Now, in 2013, my children have begun to define themselves. They are learning who they are outside of our family unit. And I am learning who I am outside of two small people’s overwhelming need. As I watch them becoming, they are giving me the gift of allowing me to become. I am a separate entity. So are they. We are reaching symbiosis.
I had no idea that my idyll ramblings would become something so much more. I had no idea that hitting the ‘publish’ button would force me to step up and stand by what my words were and what they meant, and how they might be interpreted. I had no idea that I would end up learning so much about myself that I would discover what I truly want to do is communicate; bringing people and ideas and information together through writing, connection, and expression. I found myself on a path that led me to doing just that: getting paid to write.
I’m a writer.
I am now a small business owner as well. I have started a small online media company called Beyond Words Media, where I write and maintain blogs and social media channels for small companies, like this. I have a started an experimental Tumblr blog called Karen Beyond Words, which will be mostly pictorial.
Submommy doesn’t feel like me anymore. Am I still a suburban mom? Yep. That’s not going to change. But, that’s not the only definition of me. As I change and evolve, it feels like this blog should join me. Watch for changes in the coming months. I’m refocusing, learning, and redefining myself outside of my self-proclaimed moniker.
Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Karen. I’m a writer.