relax about parenting herI’ve been on the resolution merry-go-round before. I finally decided to just get off and stay off. There’s something about a new year that lures you into thinking, “This time it’ll be DIFFERENT.”

What I’ve started to figure out is that drastic begets frantic begets nowhere.

With that in mind, I’m making this goal for myself. (Notice I said “goal,” not “resolution.”) My goal?

Relax.

That’s it. Relax. And I’m not saying relax in a way that means I’m beachside with a fruity drink. I mean relax about trying to push things in my direction without assessing the actual direction things may already be going. I know this will make me less frantic. And frantic is never good.

What brought this on was all the events of the previous month, and what’s been happening with Girl Child.

Things have been status quo with her for awhile, with a few hiccups here and there. After being diagnosed with sleep apnea and  Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder last year, the course of action we decided to take was to address the DSPD with Bright Light Therapy and pursue the apnea relief with orthodontics. We tried a CPAP for her and she just wasn’t able to tolerate it. Her jaw placement is contributing to her apnea, so, knowing that she would need orthodontics anyway, we decided to go that direction. The long slow solution. She still has trouble now and then with the sleeping, be it falling asleep or staying asleep, but for the most part we are able to put that back on track without a whole lot of effort.

Correction: if it involves me having to drag my poor tired bottom out of bed at the not-even-light-out-yet-dawn, then it does actually require effort.

So, Girl Child got braces on last spring, and a few weeks ago was fitted with a twin block appliance. Fast forward to the week before Christmas, and her sleep medicine doctor sees the placement of the appliance in her mouth and wonders if it might be pushing her tongue back, thus exacerbating the apnea.

This caught me off guard. So off guard, in fact, that I got that horrible panicky “gotta fix this now” feeling.

When I see a problem on the horizon, I have an overwhelming desire to get it fixed RIGHTTHISSECOND. And yet, every time I push all of us to get “it” – whatever “it” is – fixed, I find road blocks in my way at every turn, keeping me from what I think  is the right direction/fix/hurry-up-and-make-it-go-away bandaid.

This situation was no exception. I hustled around getting her a sleep study appointment, an additional orthodontist appointment, and went into my usual “Fix It Mom” mode. Why I slip that switch when faced with these types of dilemmas I don’t really know. The thing is, it’s never been “fix it quick” with Girl Child. I’ve never slipped into Fix-It-Now mode and made any real progress whatsoever. Her life has unfolded relatively nicely, with guidance and a fair amount of stress, but she’s a happy kid. With pre-packed luggage, mind you, but a happy child. In fact, she even said to us at dinner one night when all of this was swirling around her, “You know, I have all this stuff, like the apnea, and the hearing and stuff, but I’m really happy.”

Point.Taken.

After talking with SubHub, I cancelled the sleep study appointment and just let her have a chance to relax herself over Christmas vacation without me pushing a solution on the situation like I so badly want to do. A solution will reveal itself in time, and I will be able to handle it and guide her appropriately with patience.

Life is teaching me a lesson. Apparently I need to have the lesson taught repeatedly. I DO learn eventually.

Relax about it.

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